dear future someone, anyone, and everyone,
tomorrow is the last day of the year 2025.
I wish I could say there was something beyond the passing of my dad, but there wasn’t. and I miss him more now than ever. especially when the holidaze that followed his passing were his favorite times indeed.
yet the world didn’t care, people I thought should didn’t. all you could expect were sympathy hallmark cards, fake gestures of concern, some who I thought should care didn’t. people process grief in wierd ways or none at all, like they were emotionally detached from the reality of death, and the finiteness of this existence.
last day
7:25 AM
I purchased a new journal at Barnes at Southpoint mall, using sister #2’s gift card for $50 she gave me over Christmas. there were numerous kids oogling the selection there. I found it strange actually, and wanted to ask them ‘you guys actually write shit?’ or rather, more pressing was wtf did they have to even write about? their online life? some cyberbullies? some stupid show that they binge or horrible fanfiction they write? the possibilities were endless. then I wondered why they were interested in journaling in the first place, these vapid children whose entire knowledge-base was data-driven. they had no knowledge, wisdom, or organically hewn intellect. everything was synthetic perfection, crossdressing as legit + righteous. reminder that they have to youtube everything from doing laundry to boiling eggs, scawwy.
in the cafe my usual brief browsing of magazines I’d never purchase. one was InFormation, which waxed on about current internet smart speak, designed to sound profound + deep as most people tended to. everyone seems to be deluded into thinking that this is how writers wrote + spoke all the time. I think legit writers simplified, not peppered their language with them $5 words. especially in today’s era where nobody could read shit past the 3rd graf. attention span of Koi pond fish, y’all.
6 yr anniversary
this is my 6th year here in the tarheel state of North Carolina. it feels like I only just arrived, and I do feel alienated here, like here isn’t even a real place even. I’m living in a plandemic boomtown, whereas it was invaded by Covid refugees from big cities nearby. pity none of them returned home whence they came. I actually moved here with intentionality to be closer to fam who had migrated from Chicago back in 2011.
NC felt so strange, bizarre in a sense of being abnormal, peculiar, wierd in good + bad ways. the people were simple, shy, secretive, cavalier, fake polite, horrific drivers (yes, I really do think), and most seemed to be socially retarded in a sense. even more hysterical perhaps was the ones who were intentional snobs. though I couldn’t get a fix on what they thought elevated them above every other white + waspy person here? even more peculiar so few haven’t even tried Korean or Thai food and still struggle with chopsticks. the state is supposedly renown for its ribs but I’ve had better in Chiraq. I would say southern cooking is worthy of mentioning. so is the ability to acquire organic chicken eggs on the cheap, or farm to table meats + produce.
I like the winters b/c its not winter for me here in this place, and a buzz break from all the infernal insects, or weeds that come in the warmer months (warm is actually brutally hot). the locals are all homebodies who seldom venture outdoors. if this were Chicago, we’d all be outdoors 24/7 especially here in this crazy ass place. which I likened now to the Shire + Virgin River + Hallmark romance channel town. I almost hate the fact its so quaint and idyllic bc it feels like a witness protection type place. so as far as I can tell there’s a bunch of ex mafia, ex drug dealers, whisleblowers, assassins, and rats living in hiding here. pretending to be good, decent, respectable citizens. prob trying to whack one another using Tinder fake profiles or something. oh look I just made the script for a mini series actually worth watching.